By: Janell M. Hickman, a freelance beauty writer and communications strategist based in Brooklyn, NY
“So, what do you do?”
That's one of the first questions most New Yorkers find themselves asking or answering in a multitude of social settings. For a long time, I was so caught up in my work identity, I couldn’t see beyond “what I did” or the importance that held.
This manifested into many things for me, ranging from staying in jobs way past their expiration date because of the so-called “perks” to hoping that with the “right” title I could effectively climb the ladder. All for the sake of “making a name for myself”...but what does that even mean? We are all born with names, so should we be as concerned with the title that pairs with it? It’s a conversation worth having.
After two magazine stints and a few short-lived PR gigs, I decided to take a break from editorial and opt for an e-commerce gig both for my mental and physical health. Despite the light at the end of the tunnel, I had many hesitations about what “giving it all up” could potentially mean for my career growth.
I hate to say it, but titles and qualifiers can become somewhat of an obsession. And being a Black woman in the industry, having a certain job title at a certain outlet does command a certain level of access. I don’t believe in “in-crowds,” but I also saw firsthand how some in the industry were overlooked once they decided to pursue an alternative path. Out of sight, out of mind. I was so fearful of what letting go would mean for my career and relationships.
Oddly, there was also a strong feeling of guilt even when choosing myself in a myriad of toxic work environments. There is a general sentiment about feeling “grateful to be here” as an older millennial who survived the financial crisis of 2008. I once had a boss tell me that “millions of girls would want my job”—and no, this was not a re-enactment of The Devil Wears Prada. This was 100 percent real life.
Like so many of us, I've become more reflective about my purpose, passion, and identity as a Black woman within the fashion and beauty realm throughout the past few months. COVID-19 placed a greater importance on prioritizing my mental, emotional, and physical health. And, the uptick of the Black Lives Matter movement (alongside continued police brutality against people of color) made me question my work. Was any of this worth it anymore?
The funny thing about titles though is that they aren’t necessarily a one-way ticket to success: Women of color have had a history of working harder (and possibly longer), yet consistently reach roadblocks. Several of my peers have bravely spoken out against unfair workplace practices, blatant racism, and the lack of opportunities to be placed in leadership positions. At times, watching office injustices unfold has made me more thankful to be a solo entity.
Listen, my pivot into the freelance world has definitely had some bumps in the road. I am often navigating new situations and finding solutions in real time. Despite how it is positioned in dot com, being a freelance writer definitely falls under the umbrella of entrepreneurship—a constant juggling act that’s not for the faint of heart. But it was a necessary jump for me to make full-time to ensure that I could engage with brands, companies, and people who I required to treat me both fairly (and compensate me) accordingly. I quickly learned to be my own advocate, set boundaries, and walk away from projects—or people—that no longer serve my larger purpose.
In the grand scheme of things, a job title or lengthy work history doesn’t make you a better person. And, as we are now learning, has little to do with your ability to be a strong, capable leader. As each day unfolds, I recognize that my “title” or “status” or “place” never secured much. The best title I can ever hold is the one of being “just” Janell, showing up as my 100 percent true, authentic self.